Relationship Status: It's Complicated

Relationship Status: It's Complicated

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Unintended Pregnancy While in an Unstable Relationship β€” 5 Tips

Expecting a child in an unsure relationship is often fraught with fear, doubts and worry. After all, most women desire to start a family in safe and stable environment.

What if your current situation feels like one big question mark, but your pregnancy test is positive? How can the physical changes of a pregnancy affect your relationship?

    You may like: βš–οΈ Wondering whether to have an abortion or not? β€” Take the Abortion Test!

    Hormones Can Put a Strain on the Relationship

    Your relationship may have been rocky for quite some time already - and being pregnant has just made things worse…

    You may be relieved to hear that hormonal changes during early pregnancy can be the culprit. Many women go through emotional turmoil at the beginning of a pregnancy and become more sensitive - especially towards their partners.

    πŸ›‘ Note: Hormonal changes can cause feelings of repulsion toward one’s partner. All of a sudden, the physical intimacy, which was previously a delight, feels uncomfortable. This leads many women to feel unsure about their relationship. It may be helpful to know that these negative emotions are usually replaced with feelings of attraction within a few weeks.

    Single Motherhood - The Only Option?!

    You may be concerned about the possibility of your relationship ending, causing you to become a single mom, should you decide to keep the baby β€” This is a valid concern if your relationship is bumpy right now.

    Remember: Relationships constantly undergo ups and downs. During the good times, it is easy to love the other person and feel loved. The down phases can be dominated by fighting. These can be very stressful, especially when they last for a prolonged period of time...

    Does your relationship still stand a chance? This unexpected situation may reveal the specific causes of your relational struggles β€” opening up the opportunity to tackle them.

    Try This: Mentally Separate Your Pregnancy From Your Relationship

    Reach a good decision by mentally separating the relationship and the pregnancy.

    Doing this is probably hard and may seem inconceivable, since these two things are very closely intertwined. Still, there are several reasons for making a decision about the pregnancy before considering the possible implications on your relationship.

    • Easing the Pressure:
      Concentrating on one thing may lessen the pressure, because you can focus on one thing at a time, rather than trying to unravel the entire tangle of life decisions at once.

    • Make the Best of Your Time:
      The decision on how to proceed with your pregnancy is primary, because you are given legal time limits. Use the time you are given wisely so that you can make a decision you can feel good about.

    • Give Him Space:
      Many men are initially overwhelmed by the news of the pregnancy. Expecting him to make a decision about the relationship at that point will most likely not end well. Give him the space he needs to process the whole situation before making any requests.

    • Create a Basis for the Relationship:
      Before you can have a sustainable relationship β€” with the father of the child or a new partner β€” you need to know who you are and what you want. Therefore, it is important for you to make a decision regarding the pregnancy that you can feel good about. Only then does it make sense to consider the relationship.

    Note: A decision to keep the baby does not automatically imply that you have to move forward with the relationship. You have the freedom to decide what you want to do about the relationship - moving toward each other or seeking distance. You may even choose to end the relationship at this time.

    Unexpectedly Pregnant While in a Difficult Relationship β€” 5 Tips

    1. Take Time to Yourself! πŸ•°

    Give yourself the time you need to sort through all your questions, thoughts and emotions. You don't have to make this immense decision on the spot. Instead, take your time and choose to do something that is calming and rejuvenating. In retrospect, many women recognize that doing so was a helpful step in arriving at a good decision.

    Know how much time you still have for your decision:

    2. Dare to Think Outside the Box! πŸ€”

    A pregnancy in an unstable relationship makes you feel like you have lost your footing β€” either because we already have a clear picture of what the perfect family is supposed to look like (consciously or subconsciously) or because it is just how we are made.

    Let’s do a mental exercise: Could you imagine life with a child? What could your very own path look like - not the perfect storybook life - but yours? How could your parents or family provide support? Consider sharing an apartment with one or several other single mothers. Would the father of the child want to be involved, even if you are no longer an item? There are so many more possibilities...

    … Allow yourself to think of them β€” there is no risk involved in following a thought.

    3. Do Something Rejuvenating! πŸ›‹

    Some situations can completely overpower us. They make us ask, β€œWhy me?” We wonder how we will ever manage and how we can possibly go on.

    What are some things that have helped you get through hard times in the past? What was your source of strength? Draw on these now! Concentrate on the things that nurture and strengthen you.

    4. Stay True to Yourself πŸ‘©

    "Remain true to yourself!” could be a helpful motto for this situation. If you are at peace with yourself, you will have the necessary strength to walk the path you have chosen.

    Pay attention to your emotions! Ignoring them will often lead you down a path you had never wanted to take.

    5. Who Could Be There For You? πŸ‘₯

    Can you entrust yourself to your parents, relatives, a friend, or a co-worker? Having the support of someone who knows you well and recognizes your strengths is priceless!

    You are not alone! We would love to be part of your journey and have created non-judgemental resources that make you feel heard. Use them to discern the path that is right for you:

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