Frequently Asked Questions: Relationship Issues after Abortion

What Happened After the Abortion? Women Share Their Experiences

An abortion can have a wide range of effects on a relationship.
While some couples are able to support each other through it, in many cases the abortion places great strain on the relationship—especially if there was disagreement beforehand, or if one partner was more inclined to keep the baby while the other favoured an abortion.

In Profemina counselling, one of the main reasons women give for choosing abortion is conflict in the relationship—or serious differences with the baby’s father.¹
This might be because the relationship is still quite new, the couple has already separated, or the woman feels her partner isn’t really standing by her—or their child.

When a woman goes through with an abortion mainly for her partner’s sake, it can sometimes lead to disappointment and blame afterwards.
In some cases, the relationship does not survive the experience.

Here you can read what women have shared during Profemina counselling:

I haven’t properly spoken to my ex-boyfriend since the abortion.
He only got in touch twice—and each time it was just about something unimportant.
The disappointment I still feel about how he behaved after the breakup and the abortion is really weighing on me… and I think it’s going to take time to work through. I had seen so much in him—and I’d probably already imagined our future together far more than he had.
I think my feelings were already much further along than his.
That’s hard to come to terms with—because, at the time, it all felt so “perfect.”

*Jana, 29, writing to her counsellor

To this day, it’s still really difficult—for both of us—to make sense of the decision or to fully accept it.
We’re 26 and 28 and have been a couple for nearly 10 years. My boyfriend had been able to imagine having a child for quite a while, but I wasn’t ready—not yet.
I feel awful, because I have the sense that he never really had a voice in it all.
He was simply there for me, supporting me—without ever expressing his thoughts or views. It feels like the biggest mistake of my life.
And suddenly, there’s nothing I wish for more than to be pregnant again.

*Annika, 26, writing to her counsellor

I had a medical termination last week.
It was a strange day when it happened, but my partner was very supportive.
We both still stand by the decision.
Overall, we’re doing well, and we spent the weekend doing something nice together.

*Erika, 24, writing to her counsellor

The situation with my partner is really tense at the moment.
He blocks any attempts to talk about it—or immediately changes the subject.
He says it’s not easy for him either, which I do believe, and that he’s trying to push it all away. I told him that I can’t do that—because I was the one who actually went through it.
I just wish he would offer more support and stand by me a bit more…
But I can’t force him. We’ve argued so much these past few days, and I honestly don’t have the energy for it anymore.

*Eline, 35, writing to her counsellor

Sadly, I was left to face it all on my own, as my partner withdrew during the most critical time.
He said he couldn’t bear to see me suffer—and then he broke off all contact. Looking back, I find it really difficult to understand why he acted the way he did.
Especially because he had promised me that if I chose to go through with the termination, he would stay with me—and that in a year, he’d be ready to have a child. Those hopes definitely made it easier to get through it all.
But now they’re gone, and I feel stuck in a whirlwind of thoughts, questioning whether it really was the right decision.

*Elli, 32, writing to her counsellor

Are you still facing the decision and feel as though you’re not getting anywhere?
Or are you and your partner looking for kind and professional support in finding the right decision for you as a couple?

Then don’t miss this opportunity!
The experienced counsellors at Pro Femina e.V. are here for you—with care, respect, and understanding. 💚

Our tip: Sign up for the 📩 7-Day Decision Coaching!
With helpful insights, real-life stories, and reflections to guide you—so that you can make the best decision for yourself.