Frequently Asked Questions: First Aid in Relationship Crises

Crisis and Conflict in a Relationship – What Can Help?
Advice and First Helpful Steps

1. Stay Calm and Take Time
Rein in the emotions: In times of crisis or conflict, strong emotions are entirely understandable. Try to remain calm and avoid intensifying the situation on impulse.

Take time for yourself: Creating a bit of distance and stepping out of the situation can help you organise your thoughts and relieve some of the emotional pressure. How could you make a little time just for yourself—perhaps today or over the coming weekend?

2. Speak Lovingly with Each Other
Listen attentively: Really listen to one another without immediately reacting or judging. This shows respect and a genuine willingness to understand.

Use “I” statements: Instead of assigning blame, try to speak about your own feelings and needs. This helps your partner better understand what is bothering or hurting you. Can you sense what lies beneath your emotions and what you truly need?

3. Develop Understanding for Your Partner
Try a change of perspective: Make a conscious effort to view the situation from your partner’s point of view. What could be motivating them? Often, there’s no ill will involved—perhaps just insecurity, carelessness or even worries and fears. This can help resolve misunderstandings.

Show understanding: Let your partner know that you recognise their feelings or are trying to understand what’s going on with them. Demonstrating understanding is often the first step towards a solution. If you’re not quite there yet, let them know you would like to understand. Ask how they are and what they hope for.

4. Name Problems Clearly and Look for Solutions
Identify the real issue: Conflicts can escalate when the real issue goes unspoken. Try to name the core problem clearly and honestly, and distinguish it from secondary matters.

Focus on solutions: Instead of circling around the issue repeatedly, work together to consider what a solution might look like. Even small steps or partial solutions can be a good start—especially when addressing the whole situation feels overwhelming.

5. Shared Time and Closeness
Reconnect with each other: Make time for shared activities that help you reconnect as a couple. What unites you? What brings you joy or makes you feel like a team?

Rebuild closeness: Small gestures of affection—like a gentle touch or a hug—can be incredibly reassuring during a crisis. If physical closeness feels like too much right now, even a short message or a thoughtful gesture can help maintain a sense of connection.

6. Consider Outside Support
Counselling or therapy: You don’t need to wait until the crisis becomes entrenched or communication breaks down completely. Professional couples counselling or therapy can be helpful early on—and many couples find it strengthens their relationship and helps them face difficulties more constructively.

Speak to trusted friends or family: Sometimes, opening up to someone you trust can provide fresh perspective. It’s important, however, not to take sides or form alliances against your partner. Keep reconciliation as your goal.

7. Self-Reflection and Self-Care
Reflect on your own behaviour: What can you change in order to help the situation improve? A bit of honesty—and occasionally some creativity—can go a long way. You can’t control your partner’s behaviour, but you can decide how you wish to act yourself. Self-reflection is often a key step towards change.

Practice self-care: In times of crisis, don’t forget to care for yourself—both emotionally and physically. What could help soothe your troubled heart right now? What helps you recharge and find strength again?

8. Willingness to Compromise and Patience
Find common ground: Can you find a shared path forward as a couple? Where might you each be able to compromise? And where do your personal boundaries lie?

Practise patience: Crises rarely resolve overnight. It takes patience and a genuine willingness to work on yourself and your relationship. But this also presents an opportunity—to clear things out thoroughly and build a new, stronger foundation. After all, the goal is to create a lasting relationship, not just a short-term fix.

Wishing you all the very best! 💚