Frequently Asked Questions: Relationship Issues after Abortion

What Happened After the Abortion? Women Share Their Stories

An abortion can affect a relationship in many different ways.
While some couples manage to support each other through the experience, in other cases, the abortion puts a serious strain on the relationship—especially when the partners weren’t in agreement beforehand, or when one leaned more toward keeping the baby and the other toward having an abortion.

One of the main reasons women mention for choosing abortion during Profemina counseling is relationship conflict or disagreement with the baby’s father.¹
This may be the case if the relationship is still new, the couple is already separated, or the woman feels her partner isn’t standing by her—or by their child.

Sometimes, an abortion done mainly for the sake of the partner can later lead to blame, disappointment, and resentment.
In these situations, it’s not uncommon for the relationship to end after the abortion.

Here’s what some women have shared with us during Profemina counseling:

I haven’t really spoken to my ex-boyfriend since the abortion.
He messaged me only twice—and both times it was just about something trivial.
The disappointment I feel about how he acted after the breakup and the abortion still lingers… and I think it will for quite a while. I had seen so much in him—and I think I had already imagined our future way too far ahead.
Definitely further than he had. And probably with much deeper feelings, too.
That’s something I’m really struggling to process—because it all felt so “perfect.”

*Jana, 29, writing to her counselor

To this day, it’s still really hard—for both of us—to understand and come to terms with the decision.
We’re 26 and 28 and have been together for almost 10 years. My boyfriend had been open to having a child for quite some time, but I just wasn’t there yet. Not now.
I feel so guilty—because I have the feeling that he never really had a voice in the whole situation.
He was simply there for me and supported me, without ever sharing his thoughts or opinions. It feels like the biggest mistake of my life.
And now, all of a sudden, there’s nothing I long for more than to be pregnant again.

*Annika, 26, writing to her counselor

I had a medical abortion last week.
It was a strange day when it happened, but my partner supported me really well.
We both still stand by the decision.
All in all, we’re doing okay, and we spent the weekend doing something nice together.

*Erika, 24, writing to her counselor

Things are really tense between me and my partner right now.
He shuts down any attempt to talk about it—or immediately changes the subject.
He says that it’s not easy for him either, which I know is true, and that he’s trying to push it all away. I told him that I just can’t do that—because I’m the one who actually went through it.
I really wish he’d be more supportive and present for me…
But I can’t force him. We’ve argued so much over the past few days, and honestly, I just don’t have the strength for it anymore.

*Eline, 35, writing to her counselor

Unfortunately, I was left to go through it on my own, because my partner pulled away during the most critical time.
He said he couldn’t bear to see me suffer anymore—and then he cut off all contact. Looking back, it’s really hard for me to understand why he acted that way.
Especially because he had promised me that if I chose to have the abortion, he would stay with me—and that in a year, he’d be ready to have a child with me. Those hopes made it so much easier to get through everything.
But now they’re gone, and I feel like I’m trapped in a whirlwind of thoughts, wondering whether it really was the right decision.

*Elli, 32, writing to her counselor

Are you still in the middle of making a decision and feel like you’re stuck?
Or maybe the two of you are looking for compassionate, professional support to help you decide what’s right for you as a couple?

Then take this opportunity!
The experienced counselors at Pro Femina e.V. are here for you—ready to listen and support you. 💚

Our tip: Sign up for the 📩 7-Day Decision Coaching!
You’ll receive helpful insights, real experiences, and thought-provoking questions—to help you make the best decision for yourself.