What’s Going On with Me?
- If you’re not really feeling happy about your pregnancy yet, or you hardly notice any positive feelings, it might be making you feel really confused. That’s completely understandable!
- Many women imagine that, once they’re pregnant, the sun will shine, they’ll automatically glow, and just feel completely happy... But if that’s not the case for you, you might be asking yourself: "What’s actually going on? Is everything okay with me? Why am I feeling like this?"
- First of all, you can relax: There is nothing wrong with you! There are many reasons why you might not be able to feel much joy yet, or why you might not notice any motherly/maternal feelings at this time.
Early Pregnancy: Hormones, Symptoms, and Everything Still Feels Abstract…
1) Especially during the first weeks of pregnancy, the various hormones supporting your pregnancy are very active – and this can have a big impact on your emotions. You might find yourself feeling more like crying, or simply more insecure and emotional. But usually, after the first trimester (months 1-3), your hormones start to settle, and often, it really does feel like the sun comes out ☀️
2) You may also be experiencing typical pregnancy symptoms and discomfort, and your body is working hard as a result. If you’re constantly feeling nauseous or need to vomit often, it can be really exhausting! Nearly all your energy is directed to what’s going on physically – and there’s hardly any space left for feelings. Not just yet!
Maybe you know a similar feeling after lots of exams at school, or big projects at work that took effort over a long period. You look forward to the end, thinking you’ll feel happy as soon as it’s over, but your body stays in stress mode, and you don’t quite realize it’s finished. Feelings often need more time and can only really break through once your body relaxes and recovers.
Here’s some good news: Pregnancy symptoms like nausea usually subside after the first three months and things get better! For advice on handling symptoms or for medication, you can talk to your midwife, GP, or obstetrician to help you feel better!
3) Another point early on is that pregnancy can feel very abstract. You know in your mind that you’re pregnant, but you don’t feel your baby yet and it’s not obvious to others. There’s this tiny new life inside you, but you can’t feel movement for a while. You may have pregnancy symptoms, but your bump hasn’t started showing yet – everything becomes more visible to others only later.
For many moms-to-be, a crucial moment is: Seeing the first ultrasound or hearing your baby’s heartbeat. That’s when it all feels much more real!
Depending on how far along you are, there might not be much to see right at the start, and it could take more time before you truly feel pregnant and your emotions start to grow with that experience.
Take the pressure off yourself to feel happy in these early days! 💕
Did You Want a Baby or Was the Pregnancy a Bit of a Surprise? – Take Your Time Adjusting to This New Reality
Perhaps you became pregnant unexpectedly. You weren’t planning on it, and your life plans have suddenly been turned upside down. This might have brought up some worries and unanswered questions, and you may still be wondering how everything will work out so you can take good care of your child. That’s completely understandable! On the one hand, life surprised you, so it may naturally take some time – emotionally, too – to adjust to your new path and realize you are truly expecting a child. On the other hand, you may be preoccupied with many other thoughts because you’re now reorganising many things and making new plans for the coming months and years. With all these thoughts and tasks, your heart hasn’t yet had much room to feel and express its emotions.
If your child was planned, you still may not have expected it to happen so quickly. In that case too, it can take time for it to really sink in.
Even after a long time wishing for a child, this can happen. After the back and forth between hope and disappointment, many people expect a real explosion of positive feelings. But especially then, you might still notice a certain caution inside yourself – a protective strategy you developed to cope with disappointment more easily. Emotionally, you may not yet have realized that you can let go of that caution now, and allow yourself to truly feel happy and excited
Be gentle with yourself and have patience! ❤️
As Your Pregnancy Progresses: How Am I Feeling Physically? What’s On My Mind Right Now?
Some pregnancies remain more challenging than hoped, even after the first weeks and months. For example, if your nausea continues, you’re struggling with other symptoms, or complications have arisen and your baby’s development needs to be monitored more closely. If you still aren't feeling very well, it’s understandable that positive emotions might not come so easily. This is a phase you just have to get through somehow. Still, it can be helpful to keep in mind that things can improve at any time!
It’s also possible that other things in your life—whether at work or in your personal life—are occupying your thoughts. If you’re dealing with other worries or are constantly feeling tense and stressed, neither your body nor your mind can truly relax.
Take an honest look at your life and your daily routine. What is draining your energy right now—maybe quietly and gradually, but persistently? What do you find yourself thinking about most? And: Where could you get some relief, or ask for help and support?
Give yourself permission to take especially good care of yourself and your baby right now! 🛋
The Worry: Will I Be a Good Mother?
It’s not uncommon for pregnant women to worry that they won’t be a good mother if they’re not walking through the world beaming with happiness or excitement about motherhood, or already feeling like a mom during pregnancy.
But here’s the truth: Feeling joy or other positive emotions during pregnancy is not a requirement for becoming a good mother! Every pregnancy is experienced differently. Depending on your situation, sometimes it’s more about “just getting through it” or “gritting your teeth and bearing it.” No one wishes for that, of course, and the physical or emotional strain can be really challenging.
What helps is looking at the bigger picture: Your body is doing an incredible job taking care of you and your little one! Your baby is safe and well protected in your womb, sheltered from the outside world and all its commotion. You can look forward to what’s ahead: holding your baby in your arms, getting to know them, and experiencing so much love.
If you’re expecting your first child, you might not be able to imagine yet what being a mother will really be like. It’s completely understandable if you don’t feel like a mom just yet, or if you have mixed emotions about motherhood—sometimes excitement, sometimes uncertainty.
Emotions come and go like waves on the ocean. But in the ocean itself, there are so many wonderful things to discover: fish, coral, dolphins… or the way sunlight dances through the water. Try to look a little deeper: What is important right now? What matters to me? Who am I? What are my strengths? How do I view life? What are my goals and dreams?
Everything will be okay! Hang in there and trust yourself! 🤗
What You Can Do!
- Write down what’s on your mind—any issues, questions, or worries that keep coming up. This can help you consciously set them aside for a while and get them off your chest. Keeping a diary or journal can also be very helpful.
- Make sure to regularly schedule quiet breaks and moments that are just for you. Maybe you have a favourite (US: favorite) place where you can recharge? Or are there certain situations, or music, that lets you unwind and let your soul rest?
- Talk to trusted people about how you’re feeling. Don’t be ashamed—think about who might understand you and with whom you can truly be yourself. An honest, appreciative conversation can be so comforting!
- Keep positive images in mind! What gives you hope? What are you looking forward to? You can even paint or create pictures of your goals, like holding your baby in your arms. Look at these positive images regularly—they will remind you and carry you through difficult times!
- If you don’t recognise yourself in your thoughts and feelings anymore, and it feels like you’re stuck in a deep hole, you might be experiencing depression during pregnancy. In that case, don’t hesitate to seek professional help! Your midwife and doctors (US: OB-GYNs) will understand; they’re familiar with these situations and can help you!
- Remember, if you wish to enjoy your pregnancy and your little one, that’s already the first step—trust that joy will come in its own time! Have faith!
