How to: What’s the Best Way to Break Up?

Separation Without Drama?

Let’s be clear from the start – there’s no single, perfect way to end a relationship, just as there’s no step-by-step manual for how to do it. When one or both partners decide to separate, a whirlwind of emotions is often involved – sadness, anger, disappointment, fear, and perhaps even shock at first. While some break-ups can happen respectfully and without harsh words, others may involve tears and conflict. It’s never easy.

In this article, we’d like to offer some general thoughts and tips that may help make a separation a little smoother.

Honesty, Respect, and a “Good” Ending
During a break-up, honesty and respect are especially important on both sides. For example, it’s vital to communicate openly and sincerely about why the relationship is ending. Being honest and clear can help both individuals find closure more easily.

At the same time, try to avoid causing additional hurt, despite everything.
In hindsight, many people are grateful when things don’t escalate and when further pain is avoided because one or both parties managed to stay calm.

For your own well-being, it may also be beneficial in the long run to know that you handled the situation in a way that allows you to move forward with a clear conscience.

You Can’t Change the Other Person – But You Can Choose How You Respond
During a separation (and often well before), the best side of a person may not always come to light. Your ex-partner might not act fairly, might say hurtful things, or even behave destructively. As upsetting and painful as this may be, try not to lower yourself to the same level. You can’t change the other person or their behaviour, but you do have a say in how you respond.

It’s your decision whether to meet insults with more insults, accusations with further accusations – and thereby continue the cycle. So ask yourself: How do I want to behave? Who do I want to be?
What aligns with your values, and how might you respond in a way that reflects them?

Friendly Contact – or No Contact at All?
This depends entirely on your situation. If you have children together, it may be necessary to find a respectful way to maintain contact – for example, by not speaking badly about each other in front of the child(ren).

In cases where there has been emotional or physical abuse – or even violence – and where the separation has been particularly painful or complex, a complete break in contact may be the healthiest way forward.

Even if wounds are still raw and you sense that healing will take time, it’s perfectly valid to choose distance and prioritise your own well-being. 💪
Giving yourself space can help you grieve, heal, and begin again.

Take Care of Yourself – and Be Kind to Yourself

In time, you’ll begin to find more answers to these questions:

• What have you discovered about yourself, despite the pain?
• What really matters to you in life, and where would you like to focus your energy?
• Which people bring you joy, and who might you want to reconnect with?
• What have you been missing lately? What relationships or activities could you rekindle?
• Few break-ups happen without reason. Is there even a sense of freedom or relief you can notice?
• Perhaps you’ve strongly defined yourself through your role as a partner—but you are so much more than that.
  Take time to rediscover who you are. What makes you unique? What qualities and skills do you carry within you?

Wishing you all the very best! 💚