Frequently Asked Questions: Newlywed with baby but in love with someone else— Now what?

I’ve Fallen in Love with Another Man – What Can I Do?

You’re married, a (new) mum, and now you’re developing feelings for another man? That can be deeply unsettling and confusing – and understandably so.

Here are some thoughts and suggestions to help you navigate this situation:

1. Is It True Love – or Just a Feeling?
   A good first step is to ask yourself honestly what it is that you find so appealing about this other man. Is it physical attraction? An emotional connection? Perhaps a sense of closeness because you share a lot, spend time together, or have mutual friends or connections – such as a colleague, a friend, or a neighbour? Do you feel he offers something you’re currently missing in your relationship
2. Consider the Possible Consequences
   If you find yourself emotionally fixated on this other man, it’s wise to take a step back and reflect: If you were to seriously consider entering into a relationship with him, what would that mean – for you and for others? Who else would be affected besides the two of you? Your husband or partner, your child(ren), perhaps even his partner and children? Other people close to you both could also be impacted by such a decision.
3. Reflect on the Value of a Committed Relationship
   Of course, there are relationships that may be very difficult or feel unbearable – and in such cases, it’s important to reflect carefully on whether and how to continue. But often, it’s the pressures of daily life – especially for young families – that place strain on a relationship. Personal needs can be pushed aside, and the partnership itself can become secondary to the parenting role. These same challenges could also arise in a new relationship.
   That said, commitment and family hold deep value – and are worth fighting for. Especially if you’re newly married, have children together, and share a generally good relationship. In such cases, feelings for another man might even serve as a wake-up call to look honestly at what you’re longing for in your relationship, or what may currently be lacking. It’s also possible your partner is feeling something similar.

Have You Spoken to Your Husband or Partner?
Have you shared with him what you’re missing, and what you’re hoping for in your life together? Have you given him – and your relationship – the chance to grow and rebuild?
Feelings of infatuation often come and go. But what other values, goals, and shared experiences form the foundation of your marriage and family life? What do you appreciate about your partner? What connects the two of you? Perhaps you’ve built a deep sense of trust over the years – a bond that doesn’t develop overnight and is all the more precious for that reason. Maybe you’d like to give your relationship the chance to rediscover the closeness and warmth of the early days. Setting aside time for one another as a couple – for example, planning a weekly evening together with the help of a babysitter – could help reignite that connection and strengthen your love.

Our Suggestions If You Want to Let Go of the Feelings for the Other Man and Protect Your Relationship:

• Try to avoid contact with the other man and stop spending time with him. This can help prevent the feelings from deepening – and ideally, allow them to fade.
• If avoiding him entirely is difficult, try to change the nature of your interactions. For instance, ensure you’re not alone together – involve others in conversations or meetings.
• If the other man is a close friend of your partner and you’re concerned your distance might be misunderstood, consider having an open and honest conversation with your partner.
• Be truthful with your partner: Reassure him that you love him and want to remain with him. Let him know that the feelings for the other man are unwelcome, and that’s why you need distance. This honesty isn’t just fair to your partner – it may also help rebuild and strengthen your relationship.

We’re Wishing You All the Very Best! 💚