Determining a Way Forward: Pregnant — Bad Timing

Pregnant — Bad Timing

625950947 | Andrey_Popov |

Everything Had Been Planned Out So Differently...

  • Pregnancies sometimes happen unexpectedly, upending previous plans. Making sense of one’s emotions and discerning the best way forward can be very challenging.
  • Many women and couples wonder whether the timing will ever be perfect. What are the options for dealing with and making the most of this new situation?
  • How do you respond to an unexpected pregnancy when the timing is not ideal? Continue reading to receive insight and possible solutions.

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Unintended Pregnancy — Not the Way It Was Supposed to Be!

Perhaps you did everything in your power to avoid becoming pregnant because your present plans did not include a baby. Maybe you only just started dating, or you have not completed your schooling. Maybe you were hoping for a(nother) child one day — at a much later time. Pregnancies also happen after having tried for a baby for a long time when they are no longer expected...

A pregnancy tends to bring upheaval — even more so when it is unexpected.
The present situation has probably shaken you to the core, leading you to reevaluate your future plans. You may fear having to let go of your aspirations. Perhaps you are concerned about how the pregnancy might affect your relationship. You may also be thinking, "What if I am not ready?" Many women encounter these thoughts at the beginning of a pregnancy — even when it was planned.

Anger, Resentment, Anxiety — Any Emotion Is Okay

Every unplanned pregnancy stirs up a whole slew of emotions. That is completely normal and to be expected.

Some women want to kick themselves, “Why wasn’t I more careful?” Many feel an overwhelming sense of incredulity, “Why me?” Women who would have welcomed a pregnancy at another point in time ask, “Why now? There was a good reason why I had planned on not being pregnant right now!

Do any of these descriptions sound familiar? Anxiety may be welling up inside as you consider the implications of a pregnancy regarding your financial situation, your professional future, or the progress of your education. Any and every emotion is okay.

5 Ways to Think Outside the Box:

Here are five steps towards a new perspective — thoughts which had been impossible to entertain while you were still in a state of shock:

1. When Is the Right Time to Be Pregnant?

How about rephrasing this question by asking: Will I ever feel 100 percent ready for this challenge? Is there ever a perfect time and situation?
You may know someone who had planned everything out perfectly, and everything seemed to have worked according to their expectations. But this is not the lived experience for most of us. The question we all need to answer is, what do we do with the situation we are handed?

2. Growing With the Challenge

Any woman facing instant motherhood would most likely feel overwhelmed. Thankfully, we are given nine months. While the baby develops physically, the woman is given the opportunity to become comfortable with this new role.
Hormones and changes within your body encourage this emotional adjustment. The months of pregnancy also provide the time you need to get everything ready: a place to live, necessary purchases, job-related adjustments...
Keep in mind: Once the baby is born, you continue learning how to do life together. This might be comforting to remember.

3. Your Aspirations

Maybe you have the daunting feeling that the unintended pregnancy is keeping your dreams from being realized. This is an understandable concern!
Could your aspirations still become a reality — while keeping the baby?
This may cause your priorities to shift, or the order in which your dreams are realized may change. Ask yourself, "What is important to me now? And what could be successfully postponed? In what ways could I think outside the box and accomplish my dreams while having a baby?

4. What Can You Glean from Past Experiences?

Have you ever experienced a situation where something turned out completely different than expected or planned? What helped you adjust?
You may have also seen how the unexpected brought new possibilities and opportunities. Could that also be the case here? What opportunities do you see emerging from this situation?

5. How Would You Decide in Retrospect?

Sometimes “swapping out lenses” can help you see more clearly. Take off your glasses for a moment — and put on the pair through which you would look back at the present ten years from now. What decision would you feel proud about?

Where Do I Go From Here?

Your current situation is undoubtedly anything but easy. Give yourself time to carefully weigh your options and consider your heart’s desires. Then, you can gradually narrow down a choice that is right for you.

You are not alone! Allow us to provide you with a judgment-free environment as you find your path:

  • Abortion or Keep the Baby?

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Authors & Sources


Verena Küpper,
Social Scientist and Humanities Scholar

Kerstin Dörbecker 

Reviewed by:

Team of Psychologists


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