Reasons for This Common Reaction in Men and Suggestions on What to Do
🧔🏻♂️ How do I respond if he does not want the baby? – Take the Test
- Pregnant, but he does not want the baby? Our counseling experience shows that 1 in 3 women consider abortion for this reason.
- His negative reaction could stem from the fact that: He is still in shock, overwhelmed, or focused solely on rational concerns. He would also have a harder time adjusting to the thought since he has no physical sensation of the pregnancy.
- His initial rejection may not last. According to our experience, most men just need more time. In most cases, he will become supportive of you and the baby.
This article may help you understand your man and provide suggestions on how to respond.
Are you pregnant, but your relationship status is complicated? Find advice and information, HERE.
How do I respond if he does not want the baby? – Test
Do you find yourself in this situation right now? Answer three multiple choice questions about your current circumstances. An immediate evaluation will appear on your screen.
Why Does He React the Way He Does? — Four Possible Explanations
Sometimes a change of perspective can help you understand him better. This does not mean you must condone his behavior or abandon your desires.
These considerations can provide you with insights into more masculine behavioral patterns. This may make understanding his reactions easier and knowing how to deal with them.
We have compiled four possible reasons for his negative reaction.
1. Initial Shock
This is not to be underestimated since it may take him a little while to get over it.
Your partner is at least as surprised by an unexpected pregnancy as you are, if not more. His initial reactions and responses reflect his state of shock. He needs time to let the news sink in. Depending on their personality, some men are more strongly shaken than others – especially if they had envisioned taking a completely different road. This is a huge adjustment.
2. Feeling Overwhelmed: "How am I supposed to live up to this responsibility?”
Many men fear they will not do justice to the father's role. This actually reveals a desire to be the best father and partner possible. Initially, the unexpected pregnancy news would lead to self-doubts: "Would I be able to fill these shoes?" Just like you, he needs time to grow into this new role.
3. Masculine Rationality
Men often approach challenges with reason. Specific arguments are raised (finances, living/job situation, education…). While these seem purely rational at first glance, his reasoning is usually motivated by loving care. He wants to be able to take care of his family well. When he comes up against roadblocks with no immediate solution in sight, his masculine rationale may cause him to suggest abortion as a quick fix.
Women realize much more readily that instant solutions may not be called for. Time is required for the baby to mature. This is also true in the removal of obstacles. Therefore, rational arguments are not all that matters – this decision affects your entire being – body, heart, soul, and mind. The effect on your relationship also needs to be considered—all these aspects matter in reaching a good decision.
- 📖 You may like: She Is Pregnant – Advice for Guys
4. Physical Differences
Albeit taxing, women have the advantage of physically feeling the change of the situation (nausea, fatigue, emotions, etc.). In contrast, men are forced to grapple with the pregnancy more abstractly. They do not experience the same physical transitions. In addition, hormones aid women in adjusting to the pregnancy. Men do not have this benefit, which helps explain their negative sentiment. The more visible and tangible the pregnancy becomes to him, the easier it is for him to adjust. Seeing the first ultrasound image, finding out the due date, noticing your belly, feeling the baby kick, or even the birth can be catalysts for changing his attitude.
How to Deal With This Situation — 5 Suggestions
What to do if your partner’s reaction to your unexpected pregnancy has been negative and hurtful?
1. 🧭 Stay the Course
You are accountable for your decisions, above all, to yourself — not to others. You will feel the consequences of your decision more distinctly than anyone else — one way or another. This is the time to pay attention to your true desires so that you can decide in accordance with your innermost convictions.
Making a decision "for his sake,” contrary to your heart's desire, could be trying on you, your future, and your relationship.
Stay the course until your partner follows — if this feels good to you, we want to encourage you in that. The chances of this outcome are high! Many men who initially react negatively have become proud and loving fathers who are grateful to their partners for their strength and courage when they had none…
2. 🛋 🌳 Be Kind to Yourself!
Especially amidst the hurt and confusion, you need to show yourself some kindness. Why not do something that is relaxing and rejuvenating? This could mean going outdoors, taking a hot bubble bath, meeting with a good friend, or spending time at your favorite hangout.
This will help create some distance from your inner turmoil and perhaps allow you to listen to your heart. This will give you renewed strength for what lies ahead. You may find it helpful to reach out for support. You were not made to be an island, and you do not have to walk through this alone!
3. 🕰 Give Yourself and Him Time
As already mentioned, most men simply need time. Take that to heart! Give him the time he needs and do not expect too much from him just now — even though this requires much patience, which can be challenging. It is worth it! Give him and yourself the opportunity to deal with this new situation.
He may need much more time to himself or with his best friend. As you show yourself kindness, allow him to do what gives him strength.
4. 🗣 Keep the Conversation Going
In the first days or weeks after the initial conversation, it is undoubtedly advisable to give him some space to "recover." After this pause, it can be helpful for both of you to keep seeking dialogue.
Try to spend a lot of downtime together to give you a chance to talk. If you already have children, it might be helpful to pick an evening or even a weekend for just the two of you. This would be intentional quality time to open up communication on this existential question and to seek common ground, while your kids are left in good hands.
If you can, try to go the extra mile by being kind, understanding, and affectionate, even when you feel he does not deserve it. Love is the greatest weapon to combat fear.
5. 🧐 Unmasking Fears
Talk to each other about your fears. In doing so, you will often expose that many concerns are unrelated to the pregnancy. The current pregnancy "crisis" frequently highlights older rifts and dissatisfactions, or even unfulfilled desires in your relationship, which had existed long before this unexpected news.
- 💡 Working through a specific concern? Take the Solutions Finder Test
No Support From Your Partner During Pregnancy — Now What?
Perhaps you have read this article and thought, "It's too late for me — He's gone." Sometimes our fears come true: He decides to split up during, or even because of, the pregnancy. Our counseling experience shows that there is still reason for hope: A knee-jerk reaction due to fear is not always the last word...
Perhaps you were never a couple to begin with — maybe it was a one-night stand, a friendship with benefits, an affair, ... and he responded to the big news of this "unexpected consequence" of your casual relationship with rejection and pressure. This would make you feel very alone in a hard place.
Can you think of someone who has your best interest in mind, whom you could confide in?
You are not alone! We want to be there for you every step of the way. Use our judgment-free resources to find the path that is right for you:
- 💪🏼 You have what it takes! - Strengths Finder Test
- ⛑ Wondering where to start? - Take the First Aid Test
- ⚖️ Should I get an abortion? — Take the Abortion Test
- 👥 What type of mother would I be? Take the Personality Test
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Many women encounter this situation. There are several things that may help: Give your partner and yourself time, keep the channels of communication open and address any underlying concerns.
Self-care is of utmost importance during this season. Determine what you really want and pursue it. You have the right to make your own decision and may find it beneficial to draw upon external support.
Especially if the pregnancy comes as a surprise, your partner may be in shock. Several things may cause his negative reaction:
1. His fear of fatherhood - an awareness of the responsibility coupled with the concern of not being able to live up to it.
2. External circumstances (finances, living arrangements, etc.)
In time his attitude may change, when he starts recognizing solutions and possibilities in how to be a dad.
It may prove helpful to give yourself and him time, while keeping the channels of communication open. You may also want to distance yourself for a while, in order to recognize your true desires and choose your steps accordingly. You have the freedom to seek external support for your decision. Even if you end up raising the child by yourself, you are not alone. A wide array of support options is available to you.