Pregnant by Another Man / an Affair

Pregnant by Another Man / an Affair

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Where to Go from Here?

👩‍❤️‍👨Wondering what to do about your pregnancy from another man? Take the quiz here!

Experiencing an unintended pregnancy resulting from an affair would feel like your world was falling apart. Feeling like you have hit a dead end? This article provides you with tips and ideas on finding a way through.

Pregnant by Another Man – Now What? – Quiz

Does this statement describe your current situation? Answer three multiple choice questions and receive an immediate evaluation on your screen!

Four "First-Aid" Tips:

No matter the circumstances, a pregnancy has far-reaching ramifications. The initial shock you experienced is likely followed by the fear of exposure, “I will be found out!”

Or perhaps you are frantically searching for a way to continue the secrecy – while your heart and mind are racing at 100 miles a minute.

You cannot put your needs in second place any longer. Right now, this is about you and your life. Here are some practical tips on where to begin:

1. 🕰 Take Time to Calm Down

Wait for the initial panic to subside. Fear almost always provides poor counsel. It can block out what is important to you.

Instead, press the pause button for a moment and escape the confusion. You can do this by taking a few hours, or even days, away. This will help you get back in touch with your true desires.

2. 💎 What Really Matters?

What is of utmost importance to you? What values do you want to build your life upon?

It is what it is. But you are given a chance to respond to your plight according to your principles. Could this challenging situation pose an opportunity to reevaluate your life?

3. ❤️ Listen to Your Intuitions

“The longest distance in the world is from your head to your heart.”

Your thoughts can easily drown out your emotions. Do not ignore the nudge you are feeling. Pursue what catches your heart.

4. 👥 Entrust Yourself to Someone Who Cares

Can you think of someone you can be real with – who is trustworthy and caring? Sharing your burdens can lighten your load.

The Right Chemistry

The beginning of a relationship is often marked by overpowering emotions – the romantic spark. You sense compatibility. It just feels right – You are attracted to each other like magnets.

What if you feel this spark ignite again - but not with your present partner?

According to the analysis of a Durex condom survey by The Richest, infidelity rates range from 10% (Canada), over 20% (US) up to 30–50% (Europe).

This would include one-night stands, multiple affairs, and permanent extramarital relationships.

Reasons for Having a Side Fling

There is a multitude of reasons why people have affairs. One’s lived experience, as well as one’s personality and values play a huge role. It might have all started with an innocent birthday greeting which led to a more intimate relationship. Or you let go of your inhibitions at a party, where alcohol was involved. Or maybe you were actively seeking diversion.

This is usually irrespective of the state of your current relationship. Affairs happen to happy couples as well as to those who are struggling. You probably never expected to find yourself in this situation.

A) Infidelity to Your Partner and Pregnant

Was it a one-time fling - or has the secret relationship been going on for a while? Perhaps you had wanted to break off the affair for some time. Or maybe your loyalty is shifting.

Each of these possible scenarios has one thing in common. You are trying to keep it a secret. The fear that your partner might find out is ever-present. And to top it all off, you find yourself pregnant with another man’s baby.

B) Pregnant by a Married Man / Pregnant by Someone Who Is in Another Relationship

Maybe the situation is reversed: Perhaps you did not cheat on your partner, but you are the affair. The guy is in a permanent relationship – but romantic sparks have been flying between you. He may have told that he wanted to leave her, but this has not materialized.

If you are reading this, you are probably familiar with this scenario. You may have stumbled into this mess, not realizing he was already taken. Or perhaps you were fully aware of what you were getting into. Holding onto the hope that this might turn into something more, you may have been willing to continue the relationship. And now the surprise pregnancy...

What Are My Options?

There are several options for where to go from here. Ask yourself:

  • Which of the following choices corresponds to how I want to live my life?
  • What will it take to follow through?

A) Keep the Pregnancy a Secret – a Quiet Truth

You may desire to avoid causing your partner pain. You may also fear the repercussions of being found out.

This would make abortion seem like an easy way out. Is that your initial inclination? Are you anxiously hoping that everything could be made undone?

This pregnancy will always remain part of his and your story, even if it remains a secret. It is impossible to know the extent to which it will affect you and your relationship. Your lived experience is unique.

B) Keep the Baby – Keep the Secret

If you are the affair, use the next few months to seek workable solutions with the baby's father. What could the future look like for each of you?

Are you the one who is having the side-fling? If you do not want to jeopardize your relationship, you may want to pretend the lovechild is his.

This is nothing unusual. According to the Journal of Epidemiology, almost 1 in 25 children are biologically fathered by someone other than the man who believes to be the father. Of course, the mother bears the burden of her secret; but many women are willing to have a “cuckoo’s child” to preserve the family peace.

C) Keep the Baby – Bring the Truth to Light

Maybe you have had enough of all the secrecy. Perhaps you feel suffocated by the continual lies necessary to cover up the initial deceit! You desire the truth to set you free – to experience the lightheartedness of living without fear of discovery.

This pregnancy could be your opportunity to start over – but it will take great courage on your part. At this point you do not know how your partner will react. It is unclear whether he would be willing to make a fresh start.

In counseling, we have repeatedly seen fathers willing to embrace the baby as their own. Years later, no one could guess the relational crisis surrounding the conception of this child.

Are you in this situation?

Did this article perfectly describe your current situation? Are you searching for the path that is right for you – rather than giving in to social pressures? We would be privileged to walk alongside you by providing you with free unbiased digital coaching. You are stronger than you think!

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