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Abort or Keep the Baby? — When Heart and Mind Collide

Yesterday you were firmly convinced that you wanted to have the baby and that you could do it. Today, tears streaming down your face, you doubt yesterday's decision as fear begins to mount inside of you...

Does this sound familiar? This article explains why many women share this experience and reveals solutions.

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Effect of Hormones on Thoughts and Emotions

If you have never experienced it, you will find it hard to believe the immense influence hormones can have on a woman’s mind and emotions. Anyone who has experienced (pregnancy) hormone chaos can confirm: Hormones strongly affect our thoughts, feelings, and our bodies as a whole.

At the beginning of a pregnancy, the entire female body prepares for this new task: to provide an environment in which the baby can thrive. Now, hormone production ramps up in order to bring about the necessary physical transitions. This enormous change within the woman’s body also impacts her emotionally. Moments filled with hope, confidence, and joyful anticipation alternate with times of doubt, sadness, and concern…

As exhausting as this constant teeter-totter of emotions can be, it is also a sure sign that your body is doing its job well. Knowing this may help you, and those around you, understand why the world seems so bleak at times or why you are much more tearful than usual. This does not necessarily mean that everything is really as hopeless as it seems!

There is also no need to fear that you are becoming more and more "hysterical." Think of it as part of being pregnant, just as thorns are part of a rose. While thorns are in no way pleasant — they do not diminish the rose’s beauty. 🌹

 

Heart and Mind

In addition to the purely physical, biological processes, another dimension also affects a woman’s decision-making capabilities, making her unable to make up her mind on whether to keep the baby or not: the internal conflict between her heart and mind.

 

1. Our Mind 💡

Our mind is an amazing tool! It enables us to make plans, weigh dangers, and work on and solve all rational concerns of life. Our thoughts are our constant companions. We usually hear them loud and clear, even when we would rather shut them out.

Usually any conclusions drawn by our intellect are based on two pillars:

  • The past, i.e., any previous experiences
  • The present, i.e., today’s circumstances or current information

Based on these aspects, our mind then evaluates the present and the anticipated future.

The challenge: Some things in life cannot be planned or anticipated — like an unexpected pregnancy. Since we had never needed to consider what life could look like under these new circumstances, our mind quickly turns to counter-arguments. These are often chiefly characterized by fear of the unknown.

Therefore, it can be helpful to put pen to paper, writing down any rational concerns, while carefully and methodically seeking solutions. Putting your concerns into words has a disarming effect. Now you have made room for your heart to be heard, while your mind does what it is meant to do: illuminate different aspects, recognize dangers, and seek solutions.

 

2. Our Heart ❤️

There is another entity within us: our heart. It the center of our emotions.

Our heart is an important part of who we are. It reflects our values, desires, likes, and dislikes. It always guides us in the direction that is in line with our innermost convictions and values.

Our heart is also the seat of our conscience, which helps align our plans and actions with our core beliefs. Acting in accordance with these inner principles gives you a sense of inner peace.

The challenge: Unfortunately, our heart isn’t always as audible as the voice of reason. The heart’s nudges come much more gently and slowly. Again and again, this soft voice is drowned out by the noisy, instant voice of the mind. In order to pay attention to your heart, take time to yourself and give yourself the opportunity to calm down and relax.

 

3. In Alignment With One Another

If you engage in the interplay between heart and mind, you will probably repeatedly switch back and forth between the two; from the rational to the emotional and vice versa.

Give yourself time for the pendulum to find its middle. Making the right call requires the alignment of one’s heart and mind.

This means that we follow a path that is in line with our convictions and values, reflecting who we are (including our emotions), and also taking into account the expected challenges and possible solutions (paying attention to the mind).

Here is another way to look at it: The mind supports the heart and paves the way for it, while the heart provides the mind with the necessary strength and drive to face these problems and work on possible solutions. If you are looking to put this into practice, but are unsure how to go about it, you may benefit from taking the Solutions Finder Test.

 

Scary and Appealing: Change

A pregnancy can turn your world upside down, causing your life to take some unexpected turns.

Many plans have to be revised, postponed, or perhaps revoked while new opportunities open up. This brings about a clash of interests between:

  • the openness toward change (perhaps prompted by hope for a better future)
  • and the power of habit, wanting to maintain the status quo.

A perfect recipe for emotional chaos.

Most people find change scary. We are all creatures of habit. Any sudden change, such as an unexpected pregnancy, is definitely disruptive.

Coincidentally, the prospect of change may also spark curiosity. “In what ways could things become different? What would it feel like to be called ‘mom’ for the first time? What would the baby look like? Boy or girl?" These kinds of thoughts can cause positive anticipation to grow (temporarily)…

 

Taking Care of Yourself – 4 Tips

Hormones, heart, mind, changes… Now you may understand more clearly why this is such an immense struggle and why you feel so conflicted. Many women have walked this road before you. Now that you understand the battle lines, you can gradually find out which path to take:

 

1. Time Is Key 🕰

Our counseling experience at profemina shows that taking time is a key element in discovering your own path. It is important to give yourself time to regain a sense of stability and serenity. This may take a while and requires patience. What you may perceive as hesitation or indecisiveness is actually very wise caution and mindfulness of yourself.

 

2. Permitting Yourself to Be Still 🛋

No woman should feel forced to make such an important decision while feeling unsure and conflicted. Calmness and serenity are a much better recipe for making good decisions.

 

3. What Is of Chief Importance? 💎

Maybe you can also utilize this moment to help you realize what really matters to you. What would you consider an admirable way to respond? What decision could you look back on with no regrets?

 

4. Our Offer

You are not alone! As you navigate this time of uncertainty allow us to walk alongside you. Our judgement-free resources were made by caring experts with the goal to see you thrive. We want you to find the path that is just right for you:

 

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