Pregnant by Friend with Benefits

Pregnant from ONS

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Ideas and Tips for This Challenging Situation

  • It probably wasn't intended to happen — and certainly was not agreed upon. Finding yourself pregnant by your friend with benefits can throw you for a loop.
  • Nevertheless, if this is a close friendship, chances are good that you can work together to discern how best to proceed.
  • When you are unexpectedly pregnant by your FWB, it is still up to you to consider the outcome you desire and what you feel comfortable with. Ultimately, it's your decision.
  • This article contains ideas and tips on how to handle this difficult situation and how to tell him. You may also like our quiz:


Friends With Benefits: Complicated and Fluid

There are many variations of friends with benefits (FWB):

  • Your relationship may be more focused on the friendship aspect — or more on the “benefits."
  • You may have been friends for a long time, or you are just getting acquainted.
  • You may have slid into this FWB without intending to do so. There was a mutual attraction, and then one thing led to another...

All these scenarios usually share one common denominator: Having a baby probably wasn’t on the agenda. After all, most FWB relationships are about casual sex, free from the commitments and "emotional baggage" of a relationship.

Dealing With More Than You Bargained For…

Finding out you are pregnant — so sudden and probably completely unexpected — would initially be a huge shock. After all, this turn of events was probably not part of your plans or your "agreement" regarding this friendship.

Still, we frequently witness this unexpected twist in counseling — and know of the ensuing predicament…

Even though many aspects of this situation seem paradoxical, in time, many issues can be resolved and solutions found. Allow yourself time to sift through and clarify your thoughts and emotions. It is worth the effort because you matter.

Does Your FWB Have Potential?

When something as consequential as a pregnancy happens to a friendship with benefits, it is impossible to return to the way it was. This might be a good time for an inventory of your friendship. How far would a baby affect the dynamics of your relationship? These are just preliminary thoughts. You are still free to consider how you may want to decide. Knowing where you stand will help you increasingly gain clarity on how to proceed.

Could This Become More Than Just a Friendship...?

You may be thinking about the possibility of becoming an item, maybe even starting a family together. If so, consider these three things:

  • Does this friendship with benefits perhaps already mean more to you than originally intended? It is not uncommon for one or both partners to realize that they want this casual friendship to grow into a relationship.
  • What are your hopes and desires when you think about this friend?
  • Does your FWB relationship possibly already resemble a formal relationship — even if neither of you has defined it as such? Could a conversation perhaps clarify the matter?

Just Friends

Your friendship may be more of a temporary fun experience that is unlikely to result in a serious relationship. In this case, reflect on these three questions:

  • Could this friendship with benefits grow in depth? Would you welcome a closer friendship?
  • Could you imagine parenting together — strictly as friends? Could you join in seeking solutions together? This may be doable if you have been getting along well so far.
  • Or would you prefer to consider everything on your own for now?

What Would Be a Good Way to Tell Him?

Initially, you are probably considering all the above points on your own. Perhaps you have not even told him about the pregnancy yet.

Think about what might be a good time and place for a conversation. Where would you feel most comfortable?

Do you want to wait and gain more clarity for yourself, or do you want to talk to him soon because you don’t want the added concern of how he will react looming over you?


  • Make a list of what you want to discuss in case your emotions cause you to lose your train of thought or your courage.
  • Tell him how you feel and how this news is affecting you.
  • Perhaps you can divide your thoughts into smaller portions so that he does not become overwhelmed by the information overload.
  • Like you, he will probably be shocked and need time to let the news sink in. It may be important for him to know that he can take his time. Nevertheless, you can already communicate your desires and how your heart may be leading you. After all, it’s you who is most affected by this pregnancy.

Who and What Would Be Most Helpful Right Now?

For women facing this difficult situation, talking things through is often what is needed most. Who would be a good listener? Can you think of someone you would like to entrust yourself to?

You might feel left to your own devices right now or even pressured in a specific direction. Many women facing this situation do not have an empathetic person to turn to. If this is the case, feel free to use our free digital counseling services as your sounding board!

Some women believe they do not have the right to keep the baby. — After all, this had not been part of the plan. But your situation has changed. You have the freedom to re-evaluate your life and take every possible option into account! It is your choice!

Perhaps the thought that a pregnancy lasts nine months might help you in all these considerations. This means that there is time and space to grow and mature — also regarding matters that still seem unclear or even critical.

Maybe you told him about the pregnancy, and he did not react as you had hoped.

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