Pregnant by Friend with Benefits

Pregnant by Friends With Benefits

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Ideas and Advice for You in This Difficult Situation

It probably wasn't intended to happen — and certainly not planned. But now you find yourself pregnant by your friend with benefits... Here are some ideas and tips on how to handle this difficult situation.


Friends With Benefits: Complicated and Fluid

There are many variations of friends with benefits (FWB):

  • Your relationship may be more focused on the friendship aspect — or more on the “benefits."
  • You may have been friends for a long time or you are just getting acquainted.
  • You may have slid into this FWB, without intending to do so. There was a mutual attraction, and then one thing led to another...

All these scenarios usually share one common denominator: Having a baby probably wasn’t on the agenda. After all, most FWB relationships are about casual sex, free from the commitments and "emotional baggage" of a relationship.

Dealing With More Than You Bargained For…

Finding out you are pregnant - so sudden and perhaps completely unexpected - would initially be a huge shock. After all, this turn of events was probably not part of your plans or your "agreement" regarding this friendship.

In counseling, we see this happen a lot — and know of the ensuing difficulties…

✅ Tip: Take a deep breath! Even though this is a tough nut to crack, in time, many issues can be resolved and solutions found.

Does Your FWB Have Potential?

When something as consequential as a pregnancy happens to a friendship with benefits, it is impossible to go back to the way it was. This might be a good time for an inventory of your friendship. Knowing where you are at, will help you gain more clarity on how to proceed.

Could This Become More Than Just a Friendship...?

You may be thinking about the possibility of becoming an item, maybe even starting a family together. If so, consider these three things:

  • Does this friendship with benefits perhaps already mean more to you than originally intended? It is not uncommon for one or both partners to realize that they want this casual friendship to grow into a relationship.
  • What are your hopes and desires when you think about this friend?
  • Does your FWB relationship possibly already resemble a formal relationship — even if neither of you has defined it a such? Could a conversation perhaps clarify the matter?

Just Friends

Your friendship may be more of a temporary fun experience that is unlikely to result in a serious relationship. In this case, reflect on these three questions:

  • Could this friendship with benefits grow in depth? Would you welcome a closer friendship?
  • Could you imagine parenting together — strictly as friends? Could you join in seeking solutions together? This may be doable if you have been getting along really well so far.
  • Or would you prefer preparing yourself to handle all future decisions on your own?

🕰 Perhaps the thought that a pregnancy lasts nine months might help you in all these considerations. This means that there is time and space to grow and mature — also in regard to matters that still seem unclear or even critical.

Where to Go From Here?

Being able to talk things through is often what is needed most for women facing this difficult situation. Who would be a good listener? Would you like to discuss things with your FWB?

ℹ️ Note: Some women believe that they do not have the right to keep the baby. — After all, this had not been part of the plan. This current situation is a deal breaker. Everything is totally different, unlike anything you had ever expected. You have the freedom to re-evaluate your life. Take every possible option into account! It is up to you to decide!

This situation can make you feel abandoned or pressured. Your whole life feels like it is falling apart.

You are not alone! We would love to be part of your journey by providing you a judgement-free setting for you to find your path.

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