How Can I Talk With Him?
- A pregnancy is always a special situation for a relationship — even more so when it is unplanned and the question arises of what to do next.
- Many women worry about how their partner will react to an unplanned pregnancy. They ask themselves how best to share the news of the pregnancy.
- Maybe you are currently in a similar situation, or your partner already knows about the pregnancy but you both disagree on what should happen next?
In our article you will find helpful thoughts and tips for this first emotionally challenging time — how to stay true to yourself while also involving your partner and taking his concerns seriously.
Unplanned Pregnancy – Tips on How to Tell Him
Your pregnancy has been confirmed, and now your thoughts are circling around how best to talk to the father of the child about it. Perhaps you are even very afraid to express your own feelings and wishes?
Some women talk to their partner very quickly. But it is just as valid to first process the news on your own and wait for a good moment to have the conversation with him.
Maybe your partner already knows about the pregnancy or suspects something, but his first reaction was not what you had hoped for. It is quite possible that you did not feel taken seriously and were unable to express your needs. You may now wish for another, deeper conversation in which it becomes clear that your partner is truly there for you.
Do you have any other questions or concerns? Ask your question directly here ⬇️
Good preparation
You may already be going through all possible reactions in your mind.
That’s a good thing, because it allows you to prepare yourself internally and perhaps also think about how you want to respond to his initial reaction.
Many partners are just as surprised as the woman, and in the first shock, they may say rejecting or hurtful things that are not actually meant that way. If you have already prepared yourself mentally, it may be easier not to take initial negative comments too personally.
Give him time to process the news and, at a later point, talk with you again once the initial shock has passed.
ℹ️ The partner’s perspective
By the way, it is not uncommon for men to initially react in a rather neutral or even rejecting way to a pregnancy — even when it was planned. From a woman’s perspective, this may come across as “cold” or “irresponsible” and can feel very hurtful.
It can help to understand that, for the partner, the pregnancy is initially something very abstract because he does not experience it firsthand. He views it from an “outside perspective” and may therefore not yet be able to fully empathize with his partner. This makes it all the more important to give him time to come to terms with the new situation.
At the same time, men often quickly start wondering whether they will be able to fulfill the role of a father, as they tend to focus on circumstances and timing and want to create a good “nest” for the child. Depending on what else is going on in his life or what may still be unresolved, this can feel burdensome. Men usually think in a very responsible way — just perhaps from a different perspective than their partner.
At the same time, this more analytical view can also be helpful in an unplanned pregnancy, as it may support finding good solutions for how things can work out well with the child.
The decision does not have to be made immediately
It can be advisable not to go into the first conversation with the expectation that a final decision must already be made. Many couples report that they needed time to calmly look at and explore all options.
The initial shock and feelings such as fear and being overwhelmed can lead to a narrowed perspective, where only problems and obstacles are seen. This is where a second look can be helpful, perhaps after a little time has passed, in order to discover additional options and support. Being aware of this can relieve both you and your partner from the pressure of having to know everything right away and make a quick decision.
Tip:
- How do I make a good decision? – to the article
- 7-day decision coaching by email – information and registration
Involving trusted people
Many people intuitively sense who might be a good support or advisor for them. If you and your partner have different opinions or are both worried, it can easily happen that you get stuck in a cycle, amplify each other’s concerns, or struggle to find common ground. In such moments, it can be helpful to open up to another person as well.
It can also help to gain a new outside perspective.
715806094 | Alena Popova | shutterstock.com
How do I tell my partner that I want to keep the baby?
I Want to Keep the Baby – 6 Tips for How to Tell Your Partner 💚
Now, as an expectant mother, you may have gradually realized that you want to keep the baby. Perhaps you have already considered abortion, but feel that you could not bring yourself to go through with it.
For your partner, however, the decision may not be as clear. It is quite possible that he does not want the baby and sees abortion as a simple solution from his point of view.
How can you deal with this situation? How can you approach your partner in a way that stays true to yourself while still taking him seriously? And is there hope for your relationship? Based on our counseling experience, we have put together 6 tips for you.
1. Do something good for yourself
Above all, you are allowed to make sure that you have regular moments in this sensitive phase where you can recharge your energy. Pregnancy is an emotionally and physically demanding time, after all.
For example, you can take small breaks in everyday life: get enough sleep, read a good book, go for a walk, or do whatever feels good to you.
It may also help you now to have loving and trusted people around you who encourage and support you — a good friend, family, or relatives who stand by your decision. This way, you can regain strength and find inner calm, which can also have a positive effect on your relationship with your partner.
2. Be honest with him
It can be very helpful for your partner to know where you stand. That you want to keep the baby — despite your worries and fears, and even if there are not yet solutions for everything.
If he knows that you cannot bring yourself to have an abortion, it may be easier for him to gradually grow into responsibility and support your decision.
Even if he may not see it that way right now: your decision to have his child is also, in a way, a great expression of love toward him.
3. Show him how important he is to you
Many men have — consciously or unconsciously — a fear of losing their place in their partner’s life because of a child. How relieving it can be when you counter this concern right now and continue to be there for him!
This may feel difficult for you, especially if his reaction feels like rejection. And like many women, you may be longing for support from him right now.
Still, you can try to show your affection through small gestures: a kind word, a small note, his favorite meal, a small gift, or a thoughtful attention.
4. Give him space and time
For a man, it is especially important not to feel pressured in this situation. This makes it easier for him to adjust to the new reality.
It is advisable to give him time and space so he can come to terms with things. The less he feels directed in how he should feel or behave, the more likely he is to find his own way of dealing with the situation.
This may also mean that he withdraws for a while and does not actively seek contact or conversation. He may need time alone or focus on other things. Even if he does not immediately show closeness, he is often processing everything internally.
Many fathers later report that they were grateful their partner stayed true to her path at the beginning of the pregnancy, even when they themselves were uncertain.
5. Try to understand him a little
This may not be easy in such a challenging situation — to meet the father of your child with understanding. And that is completely understandable.
But behind his reaction and perhaps even harsh words, there are often fears and worries. Maybe he would actually like to share what is going on inside him? Could you possibly look for solutions together? Or might he need someone outside the situation to talk to?
6. Respect your and his boundaries
You may notice — as many couples do — that you keep going in circles on this topic and calm conversations are hardly possible anymore. In that case, it can help to take a break from the topic.
Some couples benefit from some distance or time apart, or from meeting in a neutral and relaxed setting.
It is important and wise to respect your own boundaries and listen to your needs. Even physical distance does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Rather, it can help both partners gain clarity and calm.
It may also be helpful to seek professional couples counseling. Sometimes it can be very beneficial to look at the relationship with an outside person in order to identify unhelpful patterns and then move forward together on a new level.
A Difficult Situation — and an Opportunity?!
Most likely, this situation feels especially difficult for you right now — perhaps even hopeless… That is completely understandable!
And yet, for many couples who have experienced something similar, this situation ultimately turned out to be an opportunity to emerge stronger from the crisis and grow even closer together. In hindsight, women often describe how much the effort to stay together was worth it, and that they could never have imagined that things could turn out so beautifully and well in the end.
If you would like support and someone to talk to in your current difficult situation:
Or use our digital service with instant results:
- ⚖️ Abortion: yes or no? – take the abortion test
- 👤 What type are you and what does that mean for your pregnancy? – take the personality test
- 🧔🏻♂️ What to do if he doesn’t want the baby?
- 🙎🏻♂️ Acknowledgment of paternity: what to do if there are problems with the father?
- 🤰 Unsure whether you are actually pregnant? – take the online pregnancy test
