12 Tips for Deciding Well
The decision for or against one's own baby is one of the most difficult decisions anyone can make.
We have compiled 12 steps you can take while seeking to make a decision without regrets. Even if some of the steps don’t relate to your situation — hopefully some of them prove to be helpful.
- ⚖️ "Abortion: Yes or no?" - Take the Abortion Test
- 💡 Your greatest concern - Take the Solutions Finder Test
1. Take the Time You Need While Bearing the Tension: “Good Things Come To Those Who Wait”
In making a decision as impactful as this one, it is important that you take all the time you need. By doing so, you allow your restless mind and emotions to calm down. Only then can you make a choice, rather than a reaction.
Imagine the water of a pond which has been stirred up by a swimmer. After a while, the murkiness settles, allowing you to see the bottom once again.
Taking this time is easier said than done. Wrestling with a decision is hard work, but is well worth it. You are much more likely to reach a decision that you will feel good about in the long run.
2. Allow Yourself Times of Solace:
It is easier to make good decisions when you feel good.
Sometimes we work incredibly hard at finding a solution while wrestling with a huge decision. This incessant brooding can be exhausting to the point of leading you to the brink of despair.
Whatever your source of strength may be, this is the time to fall back on it. Perhaps a hot bubble bath, going outdoors, or listening to your favorite music will allow the many voices in your head to quiet down, helping you to think more clearly.
Choose to take a break from the issue. It is okay to ignore this tangled mess of thoughts and ideas for a day or two, allowing your decision to mature.
Then you will find it easier to focus, leading to a more constructive outcome.
3. Talk It Though — But Not Necessarily With Everyone
Good friends are worth their weight in gold. Apart from making life easier and more enjoyable, they can also support you in your decision-making process! Keep in mind that involving too many people in the process can lead to more confusion.
Select the right person by asking yourself: Who knows me really well? Who do I trust? Who has the best in mind for me? Who has advised me well in the past?
4. Get Away — Find Solitude
Deliberately seek out places and times of solace to counter the confusion.
When everything is quiet around us, we are able to think more clearly and become aware of our true desires. We are then more likely to discern what we are meant to do.
5. Unmask Your Fears
"Fear is a bad counselor" — there is much truth in this saying. Fear thinks us weaker and less capable than we truly are.
Have the courage to examine closely which opinions arise from fear and which are truly yours. While fear begins in the mind — courage does, too.
If fear and anxiety are interfering with your decision-making process, go to Pregnant and Anxious.
6. List the Pros & Cons
Sometimes, when our thoughts are jumbled, it is difficult to make heads or tails of them all. It may help to put the whole mess into writing. Suddenly, it becomes a lot less confusing.
Go to Abortion Pros and Cons to find suggestions on where to begin.
7. Weigh the Options: What Is of Higher Value?
Not all arguments are equally important. Picture a double-pan balance: If you put a number of coins on one side and a large paper bill on the other, the scale will tip towards the coins, even though their actual value is much less.
This is also the case when weighing up arguments: Not only is the sheer amount of pros and cons important, but also their strength, which can vary greatly.
Ask yourself: When comparing the two, which argument is stronger? Which one has more value to me personally?
8. Pay Attention to Your Gut Intuitions
The list of pros and cons appeals mainly to the mind. But you also have a gut instinct. You have probably felt it many times. It is your immediate understanding of something — you just know.
Don’t ignore it. Heeding this intuition is usually something you feel good about in the long run, as it is a reflection of your values, desires and your conscience. You know what is worth fighting for.
9. Food for Thought
You know yourself best. Asking yourself good questions may broaden your horizons, helping you discover completely new ways of seeing things:
- Imagine yourself as an 80 year old. Looking back at your younger self in this present situation, what advice would you give yourself?
- Which choice would you be proud of, even in your old age?
- Imagine if a friend or relative of yours were in your shoes. How would you advise her?
10. Take Your Options for a Test Drive
Live with your choice for a week, then spend another week as if you had chosen the opposite.
In order to consider both possibilities closely, you may want to take them for a test drive: First, spend a week as if you had made up your mind to have an abortion; then spend the following week with the mindset that you want to keep the baby.
Make the most of both weeks, observing yourself closely, without taking any irreversible steps — after all, it is only a test drive.
When both weeks have passed, take time to reflect on this experience: How did this choice affect my everyday life? How did it make me feel — during the first few days, but also in the long run? Which of these two choices do I feel better about?
Now you are able to make decision you can identify with.
11. Take a Look at the Bigger Picture
In complex situations, it can sometimes be helpful to take a bird's eye view. Looking at the maze of life from above gives you the opportunity to ponder the meaning of it all. Here are three observations to consider:
- You can't change the past - but you can change your future:
That may be exactly what you are wishing for: to make everything undone. Desiring to hit the reset button is understandable — but not possible. Instead, you have the power to decide who you want to be right now — and how to continue. What would the best version of yourself look like, and how do you get there?
- Surprises in life are often the revealers of opportunities:
Things always happen for a reason. Do you believe that? In how far could this pregnancy be good and meaningful?
- Overcoming crisis situations makes us incredibly strong:
Think back on a difficult situation which you faced courageously. How has that affected you?
12. Receive Counsel
This may be the first major decision of your life... or perhaps you have experienced something similar before and, yet, this is completely different. Seeking out an ;experienced counselor may be beneficial to you at this point.
Additionally, we have compiled judgement-free resources, with the goal of walking you through your own decision-making process. Use them to find your unique path:
- ⚖️ Abortion: Yes or No? - Take the Abortion Test and receive an immediate evaluation!
- ⛑ Unplanned pregnancy? - Take the First Aid Test!
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